How to Take Up Space

Discomfort, Cultural Conditioning, and the Power of Occupying a Larger Space Than We’re Used To

Image credit:
Agnieszka Boeske, Unsplash

My friend Edi complained about her messy and neurotic roommate. She then shared an important lesson on tidiness her grandma taught her back in the day:

‘When you do something in the kitchen, clean it up so well that when the next person comes in they won’t even realize that you were there.’

Edi took this lesson to heart and used ‘the invisibility standard’ to tidy up her spaces. That made Edi an excellent roommate.

I love tidiness and ‘the invisibility standard’ resonated with me. However, at the same time, it made me really sad because it contained the expectation, a kind request, to do the work and stay invisible.

Note that here I’m not talking about the principles of good housekeeping. We all know (except maybe for Edi’s roommate) that when you cook, you need to clean after yourself to make the life or next person (or yourself) easier. We all learned that fairy grandmother is not coming to clean up the spilled spices, throw away banana peels, and take the trash out. All that makes sense.

However, doing work secretly, behind the scenes, without fanfare, or an expectation to be acknowledged, pretending that you’re…