Every time I go swimming, the same thing happens. On my first 400-m chunk I feel as if I am going to die, as if it’s really hard to find the rhythm, and that I won’t be able to do it. I tell myself that I should probably shorten the training because it seems like it’s not really going well, plus I am tired, haven’t slept well, worked a lot, skipped the workout last week, you name it. There is always something. But what I’ve learned after gaining some experience is that if I stick to that initial discomfort and move slowly and intentionally, I can break through and have an amazing workout. It would be the equivalent of breaking into the first sweat for other types of workouts, except, with swimming it is not easy to notice. However, before and after that very point, the difference is major and all I have to do is keep moving and go through.
When I wrote about focus and expanding attention span, one big idea was that it takes time to start the focus. We usually try to focus on a task at hand for five minutes or so, then we think of something to check on Amazon or something to a friend. We become distracted and think: “This is terrible! I cannot even keep my attention for five minutes!” But these first five minutes are really just an introduction, an initial struggle until you break into the first sweat and find your rhythm. We cannot endlessly jump from one thing to next and switch modes all the time. We need an introduction, time, gentleness and moving slowly until we get into the groove. I have experimented with Pomodoro technique (25-minute sessions of focused time, 5-minute breaks) and found it very useful to get me into the groove. Once I surpass those first messy 25 minutes, I can easily work for a couple of hours and 25-minute sessions seem too short and restrictive. However, the key is to get started and keep going slowly.
I can’t tell you how many times I have journaled in search of inspiration and ended up with pages and pages of complete BS. However, after going through piles of chaotic thoughts, sometimes, one small, powerful idea worth elaborating would pop up. I would go: ‘Ha!’, feeling like a homeless person diving through a mountain of garbage, who, after a lengthy search, found a small hidden treasure. One time, I was so bored and desperate that I wrote about brushing and flossing my teeth, the most mundane subject there is. At the end of five pages filled with total nonsense, emerged one short sentence with a powerful idea: I resist flossing because I see it as a burden, not the investment. Mesmerized, the next day I wrote this post the next day.
I don’t know if there is a recipe for fishing the treasure right away, getting into the zone immediately and on the command, but I still haven’t found it. It takes time, work and moving slowly and gently.
After I graduated with my Ph.D. and posted pictures of myself in Harry Potter-like regalia on Facebook, many people congratulated me. One good friend sent me the message a couple of days later:
“I am so proud of you. You are the inspiration for all of us!”
That was really nice of my friend, except that the morning when I received that message, I felt particularly bad and cranky. The warm message made me feel like a fraud. My friend saw the glorious tip of the iceberg, but I knew the truth: that I felt exhausted and burned out and really didn’t feel like going to work on that day.
“How can I be the inspiration to anyone? I am so messed up, “ I thought. Then I did what I always do. I pulled my hair into a messy bun, put on some respectable clothes, put some makeup so that I don’t look like a zombie and dragged my ass to work. And there was my answer. I kept going and moving even on bad days. (Especially on bad days.) At the end of the day, that is probably what we find inspiring: consistent and slow forward momentum despite awful feelings of inadequacy, fear, weakness, confusion. Heroes that are bursting with enthusiasm and have it all figured out typically annoy us and make us feel flawed. Heroes that are weak and ordinary, just like us, yet who find the ways to transcend limitations and keep moving are the ones we can relate to.
Thru-hikers have a saying: never quit on a bad day.
This is counter-intuitive because a bad day seems like the absolute best time to quit. However, on good days, we are more rational, less emotional and more likely to make the right decision. On bad days, we have to keep moving, slowly, sluggishly, we have to keep working sloppily, an just put one foot in front of the other. There will be bad days in any endeavor. There will be a difficulty. Going through it builds momentum. And remember: just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong. That is the nature of the beast.
The Jewish concept of fixing, healing, and improving the world is known as Tikkun Olam. Based on Talmud:
’You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither you are free to abandon it.’
This is a powerful idea. We are all on a mission (or various missions) in our lives. Time and again, we become overwhelmed by fear, the futility of our work, difficulty, fear, and overwhelm. It’s thus important to remember that we might not be able to complete the full missions. However, giving up is not the option. Moving slowly, making one baby step after another, cleaning one small mess after another, and crawling forward however we can, that is the only way. Small steps repeated consistently can get us far.
Before you go…
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